Answering to a Twitter message about a 5 yo trans kid

Message from a mother

Today I received a message from a caring mother of a trans child at the age of 5 years. As I started to answer her questions, I thought it could be of interest for other parents of trans kids as well. So I just copied my reply here:

Feeling very surprised about the setting

Hello Mary (name changed), is that your real name? Thanks for your trust in me. I’m very surprised that a two year old child could say that it is not a girl but a boy. Usually children at that age learn to walk, learn to speak, and other little baby steps that kids are used to do. They don’t care about gender. So was I at that very young age. So were my four little children.

Is it proven that trans people get born trans?

To be honest with you, since I had my coming out last year I read a lots of information both on science related sources and on social media, and on the internet in general. What I found is that there are no proofs that people like me get born trans. Sure we love to say that on social media to silence our bullies, but is that the truth? When it’s not proven?

My personal story / my own truth

My truth is, that since I was 8 years, I started discovering my sexuality. Then thought that I was gay when I was around the age of my 20s. As I had no access to trans knowledge and I was denying to myself that I felt different from other young folks, it took me up to be 37 before I found that I am a trans woman. And I am still questioning myself. I mean I know I’m different, I feel like a woman, but also I have no dysphoria about my body parts. I could also be nonbinary. Meaning I can switch between both genders. It’s possible to find that you are trans at an earlier age than me, maybe. I don’t know, because it was completely different for me. It took me much more time, and it’s still evolving.

My answer cannot be final

I know that this can be even more confusing to you. Maybe it is not the answer that you have expected. But what’s good is that you try to support your child. Listen to your heart, and think about every step you take. Discuss with your child. Children are young but also underestimated. They often know best what’s good for them. Never push for or against something. Things will become clearer without pressure one day. There is no need to rush. You just have to wait, and be there for your child. I know that people tend to find the final truth as soon as possible. It’s more comfortable for you, if you get final answers. But is it necessarily the best for your kid? You are going though hard times, and I wish you will have the strength that you need to support your kid.

Kisses, Mycha

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