Today comes a topic, that I’ve been carrying around with me for so long. To be exact, since I started to live as a woman. At the very beginning one is overwhelmed by the possibilities for gender-sensitive measures. There is almost nothing, that does not seem to be possible. But, before we go into the details, let’s begin with the motivation, and then continue to see.
Why should I anyway undergo surgery?
This is a very good question. When you are at the beginning of your transition (transformation of the outer appearance from man to woman, or vice versa), your own desire is to go as quickly as possible, to be able to feel completely as a woman. You want to be as perfect as possible. Your own claim is very high in that regard. This is all before you really think about it intensively. There have been no thoughts of risks and side effects yet. The meaning or nonsense of some interventions have not yet been evaluated by yourself. Like a sponge you first get all the information about the customization possibilities, and create an imaginary todo list. But self-motivation is only one side of the coin.
There are also relatively quickly the social requirements coming up. At the latest after the coming out one is relatively directly addressed:
What kind of surgery are you going to do?
Have you ever thought about what you want to do?
If I were you, I’d start with …
Then certainly you want to make this or that.
Well, what should be your answer? It is best to keep your peace and not to express yourself. If you come out as a transgender person, the whole world seems to interfere. Everyone wants to get rid of their own opinions. All want to engage with you on the project.
How can you be so headless? You also do not start with your other friends to give advice on any surgeries, that you might think would be a good fit for them, or do you? This does not end with friends for a long time. Everyone – really means everyone. Neighbors, landlords, colleagues, vendors, former students, the list can be continued endlessly.
Your commitment in all honors, but here it is, where it has to stop. This is my body, and it really does not concern you at all!
Let’s return to self-motivation
Is there anything at all that prevents me from living as a woman at the moment?
I would say so purely objective a clear no. This is what I personally think about it. In my everyday life, I can be Mycha all the time and non-stop. Not everyone respects me, just as I am. That’s for sure. In the meantime, I have become accustomed to this circumstance, and can live with it well. Presumably there were people who did not like me before, and why should something have changed? Ultimately, you have to ask yourself these questions and answer them for yourself. I respect that there are other trans people who would rate it differently for themselves.
Am I really satisfied, with what I have?
Indeed I am. I lead a happy life. Stand with both legs in the middle of life, with family, friends, and profession. Everything just goes perfectly.
But how is it physically?
Well, there are some things that bother me. The morning styling is a must. Without that it is not possible to exist. I do not like to look at myself anymore, when I look in the morning for the first time in the mirror, and almost in raw format. In addition, there are a few physical things, to which you get used to quickly, but which can be uncomfortable in the long run. I’ll save you the details, even if it is one or the other of you burning interest, how I manage to fit into my tight slim jeans, without one recognizes something. But let’s come back to my views. In the meantime, I think I became more practice-oriented. It would be more comfortable if there was nothing else in the place or elsewhere. Yes, but it is the same for all women. Right and wrong at the same time. I don’t want to go into the details here.
Is a therapy / surgery the only solution?
Well, if you look at the whole thing only on the fast, one really thinks that it is so that only therapy and surgeries can be a way out. That is obvious. Surgeries are more frequently discussed than alternatives. They fit just so beautifully to the picture of trans women à la Lili Elbe / ‘The Danish Girl’.
When talking about transgender, Lili seems to be the only known variant of it. At least if you ask around sometimes. So it is obvious that it is also the first flash on your mind.
In the case of intensive discussion and, in many cases, simply more time and sometimes also randomly gained and yet useful knowledge, there is much more than this one and only option. There are numerous ways to make everyday life more comfortable. Be it through customized clothes or other relieving things that you can do. Yes, there are also solutions for the swimming pool, that keep what they promise. Anyone who can live with it, can theoretically pass by therapeutic measures and surgical procedures.
Do I miss the confirmation?
In addition to physical needs and inconveniences, psychology and inner satisfaction also play a major role. To get confirmation is essential for us trans humans. Especially when such serious life changes have taken place. Friends and family can make a contribution to making us feel better. But something that often comes too short is the intimacy. After my coming out, I had no intimate encounters. On the one hand, I was no longer as assured how to behave, as I should be, and on the other hand, I had to change my selection of potential sexual partners. Renunciation is, on the one hand, something good and necessary in order to allow yourself a phase of self-discovery. On the other hand, you can withdraw the sexual confirmation, which you may have received before or during the time. For me the separation / dissolution of the friendship plus was a substantial factor, why a gap arose at this point.
Only by a new acquaintance, which was only for a short time, was I able to compensate for this deficit. It was not a one-night stand, it was a bit longer. But, nothing for eternity. In spite of the fact that it was only for a short term, it fulfilled its purpose for me. The question of whether someone can find me physically attractive at all, including what was not visible from my Instagram photos. Sounds banal, but it was important to me. Since then, I have become much more satisfied and confident. So I have not yet found the partner for life, but I realized that it was not impossible, that someone could actually find me attractive. And precisely in the physical condition I am in. And, as I said, apart from admiration on social media.
When dealing with external changes, one should also always ask the following questions:
What if I let this happen?
Would I feel better? What happens to me, if I am not satisfied with the result? What defines a woman at all? Why do so many women still undergo surgery after another? Are they happier? Is there a difference in the motivation why they are doing something, and why I think about an intervention? What are the legal aspects? In some cases it must be possible to prove, that the reality check has been completed for more than one year before changes can be made. The same what applies to the name adjustments in your identity card. The health insurance companies only pay the costs under certain conditions. If you allow yourself to undergo surgery on your own, this can lead you to the point, where normal illnesses are being considered as an effect from your surgery, and you might loose your insurance. For these cases you have to protect yourself against it, for example, by supplementary insurance.
Tell us Mycha – what kind of surgeries should we do, and which one will you do?
Everyone should decide for themselves without exposing themselves to own generated pressure or pressure from the outside. Take the time you need. A counter decision, on the other hand, should also be considered, and not excluded from the outset. No matter what it is. Even a hormone treatment can have its unpleasant effects. Do not just listen, if the answers please you, but keep your ears open, even if it becomes unpleasant. Very unpleasant – and stop imagining, that it’s going to be easy, because it is not!
What would I do or not? This will be my secret! Even trans women have a right to privacy. Yes, even if they are voluntarily exposed to public opinion, like me.
Stay healthy and especially in your head, yours sincerely Mycha