There are many things, that make me think these days. One of them is my own experience, and the impressions that I have got on some aspects of our beloved LGBT community.
Am I doing better than you?
Sad but true, I’m not doing a bit better than anyone else. I may be idealistic in some ways. Some people said I am ‘inspiring’. At the end of the day I am human, and do my own mistakes every single day out there.
For example I recently entered a discussion with a transgender porn actress. To be honest, I think at the end of that discussion the both of us lost it. Valuable time, patience, credibility, respect. Me personally I left, thinking how insulting, and respect-less she, and her fanbase were behaving on me. I felt bad about the whole thing. She may have felt offended by my approach, as well. No question she was trying to defend herself. You see exactly why there could have been no winners. Why is that? Well, when you start discussing with people, there seem to be no rules any more. Everyone (even I) is getting egoistic, and when things become too personal, we sometimes loose our self-control, and patience, and both sides getting emotional. No more room for rational thoughts. A fight has alway two losers. No winners.
There was only one point that was positive about that case. It drove my attention towards a topic, that I was not focussing on before:
But honestly I could have written that article without that verbal catfight before. That’s my lesson from all this.
Leaving that discussion with a bad overall feeling, I was intensively thinking about the points, why it could have developed this far. Not about who was right or wrong. This time my thoughts were pointing to the details around that discussion. I am such a positive person. Why me? Why could I let this happen? It still makes me think about it. However this time more distant, more objective, no more emotions inside the game. It started almost inconspicuous. I was retweeting a tweet from her timeline. Then a thoughtless comment from me. Not having the idea on my mind, that it can offend anybody. Then defenses from her side. Then defending myself, after a short time already way too emotional. The escalation was foreseeable. How many times did I watch similar things happened on the net. Two self focused people, ignorant for each other, discussing every inch of a topic. Sometimes people joining them. All parties ending up like us. I’ll bet this will happen over and over again.
Feminism vs. trans women
Same concept with other actors, maybe a different arena? The background, and I am just trying to be, as objective as I can be: there are some trans women out there, who claim feminism for themselves. Although I was already commenting on some aspects of feminism, me personally I wouldn’t claim to be a feminist. But me, and most trans women we claim our womanhood, so it is not really surprising, that some trans women go a step further. On the other side we have the traditional feminists. Most of them are in the feminism game for a while. Some of them don’t respect, that trans women are women, at all. I mean let them be narrow minded, but at least it is their point of view. Now what happens is that this conflict causes lots of hate amongst both groups. There are feminists publishing statements on the media about trans women, and that they don’t believe we are women. You can then see a bunch of trans women defending themselves. There’s nothing wrong about is so far. But at the end it is the same game as above. No winners!
A community of countless colors
There are too many examples, where members of the LGBT community have conflicts with each other. Not respecting other parts of the community, and their statements. Is this something that we would call a community? It does not have to mean necessarily, that all of us, need to share the same opinions on each and every topic. Lesbian people, gay people, bisexual people, transgender people, intersexual people, asexual people, intersexual people, pansexual people, … – sorry there are too many subgroups, to mention them all here, but please feel included, as this applies to all of us. Every sub community has its own issues to solve. The variety is the same amount various, as how many on us people exist. Even transgender people have differences, and it’s not only two or three of them. They are also countless.
Win together – diversity is a game changer
No matter how many weaknesses our community apparently has, we have a big potential to win together. No other community has so many diverse members. with such a wide spread base of knowledge. We are acting globally, we are of each and every color, we have more genders than any other community would state they have, we have members of any religion in the world, we have democrats, we have republicans, we have communists among us, any political direction, we have any culture, any profession, any age, again we are countless! In short – we have anything that makes up human nature within our community, and that is giving us more chances to take the best decisions, and influence than any other community out there. Let’s unite together, rather than fight against each other. We can be the strongest power on that planet. I think we already are, but it is not focused on the same values, it’s spreading in all directions.
So why are we calling it a community then?
Although there seem to be so many differences, at the same time there are so many things that unite us. You can see unity in things like #notmypresident, #wipehomophobia, #hatecrimes, #womensmarch, #pride, #blacklivesmatter, #transphobia, #protecttranskids, #muslimban, and again countless others. To be honest, it is so beautiful to see all of us uniting on things. If there only weren’t these conflicts within the community. I can understand how you get there. My first paragraph, was describing how I get there. Now what’s coming up next? I can only speak for myself, that I will try to avoid these critical discussions. That will not stop me from publishing things on my timeline, and on my blog, that can be controversial. I am giving tolerance, acceptance, and respect to you, and I will ask you to do the same for me. Simply if someone is commenting my stuff in a manor that has a potential for a conflict, I ain’t responding any more. It makes no sense. We are different – get over it. You too may have controversial opinions, and I’m not gonna enter these topics, if I can avoid them. Also I try to be better informed, before forming my own opinion on things.
What would you do?
P.S.: Please leave a comment and share this, so we can start ruling the planet, and paint it in more colors than the rainbow can have.